tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47791223800261067052012-01-31T07:19:41.960-08:00CEl mai COOL....... Daca si voi sunteti de acord cu mine lasati un comment PLSSS!!!Raspundeti la cateva din intrebarile de pe partea dreapta,dati note bancurilor intr-un comentariu si dati si la prietenii dumneavoastra blogul!!! MULTUMESC pentru intelegere!!!!Sylviu ICHIMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15573508752845835718noreply@blogger.comBlogger81100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4779122380026106705.post-79867906350210502342007-07-29T05:06:00.001-07:002007-10-19T11:02:37.504-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RxjxKqW4huI/AAAAAAAAAc4/ycs0sa8D8tg/s1600-h/Manuel_Uribe_245144y.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RxjxKqW4huI/AAAAAAAAAc4/ycs0sa8D8tg/s400/Manuel_Uribe_245144y.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123109741605193442" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RqyC4au781I/AAAAAAAAAcc/d1CkXIIjNYE/s1600-h/spa27f82X1X.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RqyC4au781I/AAAAAAAAAcc/d1CkXIIjNYE/s400/spa27f82X1X.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5092589184409662290" border="0" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4779122380026106705-7986790635021050234?l=sylviuichim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Sylviu ICHIMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15573508752845835718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4779122380026106705.post-9245009136220447882007-07-27T10:07:00.000-07:002007-07-04T08:12:54.664-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RoVVL5GcvLI/AAAAAAAAAC0/g6XFUE5FjOk/s1600-h/untitledgfg.bmp"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RoVVL5GcvLI/AAAAAAAAAC0/g6XFUE5FjOk/s400/untitledgfg.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5081561417352264882" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RoO0vZGcu4I/AAAAAAAAAAc/v5SCAV4ZhF4/s1600-h/silviu.bmp"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 203px; height: 167px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RoO0vZGcu4I/AAAAAAAAAAc/v5SCAV4ZhF4/s200/silviu.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5081103530888838018" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /></span></span></span> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:Verdana;" >Varsta:13 ani </span><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Ochi:albastri<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">Par:brunet<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Inaltime:1m,40cm<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">kilograme:34<br /></span><span style="color:black;">data nasterii:30 iulie 1994<br /></span><span style="color:yellow;">Oras:Targu Neamt judetul Neamt</span><span style="color:black;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);">Adrese de ID unde ma puteti contacta:</span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <u1:p></u1:p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);font-family:Verdana;" >--</span><span style=";font-family:Verdana;color:red;" >silviu_juninho2007</span><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <div style="text-align: center;"><u1:p></u1:p><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" >--</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" >sylvyu_giulesti1923</span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><b><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:Vivaldi;" ></span></b><span style="font-family:Vivaldi;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4779122380026106705-924500913622044788?l=sylviuichim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Sylviu ICHIMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15573508752845835718noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4779122380026106705.post-44855267963319610402007-07-25T08:49:00.001-07:002007-07-25T08:50:45.889-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RqdxTKu780I/AAAAAAAAAcU/5oBn4lFM7Jc/s1600-h/RAPIIIIIDDDD.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RqdxTKu780I/AAAAAAAAAcU/5oBn4lFM7Jc/s400/RAPIIIIIDDDD.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5091162477878309698" border="0" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4779122380026106705-4485526796331961040?l=sylviuichim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Sylviu ICHIMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15573508752845835718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4779122380026106705.post-62851587080747490342007-07-24T23:49:00.001-07:002007-07-25T07:43:38.129-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Cei mai bogati 10 romani</b><br /></div> <i style="color: rgb(153, 102, 51);">Nume si prenume Avere</i><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 102, 51);"> 1. Iosif Constantin Dragan 800-850 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 102, 51);"> 2. Ion Tiriac 650-700 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 102, 51);"> 3. Ioan si Viorel Micula 650 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 102, 51);"> 4. Familia Paunescu 640-650 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 102, 51);"> 5. Sorin Ovidiu Vantu 460 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 102, 51);"> 6. Ioan Niculae 330-350 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 102, 51);"> 7. Dinu Patriciu 300 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 102, 51);"> 8. Familia Voiculescu 250-260 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 102, 51);"> 9. Frank Timis 280-290 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 102, 51);"> 10. Ioan Neculae 240-250 milioane dolari</span><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Cele mai bogate femei</b><br /></div> <i style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Nume si prenume Avere</i><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);"> 1. Veronica Savanciuc 15-17 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);"> 2. Lavinia Huidan 15 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);"> 3. Luchi Georgescu 9-10 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);"> 4. Maria Srapini 9 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);"> 5. Erika Hristea 8 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);"> 6. Maria Tudor 6-7 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);"> 7. Romanita Claudia Iovan 5-6 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);"> 8. Geanina Chonliara 5 milioane dolari</span><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Cei mai bogati sportivi</b><br /></div> <i style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">Nume si prenume Avere</i><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);"> 1. Gheorghe Hagi 35-40 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);"> 2. Mircea Lucescu 28-30 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);"> 3. Gheorghe Popescu 25 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);"> 4. Adrian Ilie 13-15 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);"> 5. Anghel Iordanescu 13-15 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);"> 6. Dan Petrescu 10-12 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);"> 7. Ilie Dumitrescu 9-10 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);"> 8. Viorel Moldovan 9-10 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);"> 9. Adrian Mutu 6-7 milioane dolari</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);"> 10. Cristian Chivu 5 milioane dolari<br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;" class="article_content"> Top 20 - miliardari in dolari</span></span><br /><span class="article_content"></span></div><span class="article_content"><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 1.William (Bill) Gates III</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $50 miliarde </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 2.Warren Buffett</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $42 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 3.Carlos Slim Helu</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $30 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 4.Ingvar Kamprad</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $28 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 5.Lakshmi Mittal</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $23,5 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 6.Paul Allen</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $22 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 7.Bernard Arnault</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $21,5 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 8.Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal Alsaud</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $20 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 9.Kenneth Thomson si familia</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $19,6 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 10.Li Ka-shing</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $18,8 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 11.Roman Abramovici</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $18,2 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 12.Michael Dell</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $17,1 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 13.Karl Albrecht</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $17 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 14.Karl Albrecht</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $17 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 15.Lawrence Ellison</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $16 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 16.Christy Walton</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $15,9 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 17.Jim Walton</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $15,9 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 18.S Robson Walton</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $15,8 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 19.Alice Walton</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $15,7 miliarde</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> 20.Helen Walton</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> $15,6 miliarde<br /></span></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);font-size:180%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;" class="titlefont2">Cei mai bogati 10 oameni din istoria lumii</span></span><br /></div><p style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);" align="justify"> "Va dau socoteala de fiecare banut al meu, dar nu ma intrebati de primul milion de dolari". Celebra replica ii apartine unui personaj la fel de celebru, americanul John D. Rockefeller. Fabuloasa sa avere pare sa nu fi fost egalata nici pana in zilele noastre. Rockefeller conduce detasat in topul celor mai bogati oameni din toate timpurile. Clasamentul a fost intocmit de revista "AskMen", care a consultat mai multi economisti, istorici si specialisti in finante, transmite Rompres. in primele cinci pozitii s-a "strecurat" un singur contemporan: Bill Gates, "parintele" Microsoft. Iata care sunt cei mai bogati zece oameni din istorie: </p><p style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">1. John D. Rockefeller</span> (1839-1937) - 200 de miliarde de dolari. Avea mai bine de un miliard de dolari la vremea la care un miliard de dolari chiar insemna ceva. De fapt, John Davison Rockefeller a fost primul miliardar din Statele Unite ale Americii, construindu-si averea pe un concern monolitic: Standard Oil Co. Feroce om de afaceri, el a redus la minimum costurile si a eludat legile antitrust. La varsta de 58 de ani, dupa trei decenii in care a scos dolari din petrol, magnatul fara scrupule, dar religios si-a intors fata catre caritate. A cheltuit de-a lungul vietii 540 de milioane de dolari - echivalentul la zi a 5,6 miliarde de dolari - pentru proiecte de cercetare medicala si educatie. A ajuns la varsta de aproape 98 de ani fara sa fi fumat si fara sa fi baut vreodata un pahar de sampanie, traind in spatele unei averi fabuloase si unei familii active in multe domenii: politica, filantropia si, bineinteles, afacerile. </p><p style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">2. Andrew Carnegie</span> (1835-1919) - 110 miliarde de dolari. Nu ar mai trebui sa aiba nevoie de nici o prezentare. Aproape jumatate din otelul produs in ultimii 100 de ani a trecut printr-una din fabricile sale. Sfatul sau, rostit ca un fel de sinteza a intregii sale conceptii de afaceri, este pe cat de simplu, pe atat de eficient: fii cu un ochi la costuri si profitul iti va zambi cu gura pana la urechi. </p><p style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">3. Cornelius Vanderbilt</span> (1794-1877) - 100 de miliarde de dolari. Antreprenor american, si-a construit averea prin afaceri cu vase si cai ferate. </p><p style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">4. John Jacob Astor</span> (1763-1848) -85 de miliarde de dolari. Originar din Germania, a facut avere prin intermediul afacerilor cu blanuri si cu proprietati imobiliare. </p><p style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">5. Bill Gates</span> - 60 de miliarde de dolari. Este presedintele Microsoft. </p><p style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">6. Lawrence J. Ellison</span> - 55 de miliarde de dolari. Fondatorul companiei Oracle, specializata in gestiunea de baze de date, s-a orientat catre afacerile cu guvernul american. in prezent, este cel de-al doilea in topul celor mai bogati oameni din lume. </p><p style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">7. Regele Arabiei Saudite, Fahd Bin Abdul Aziz Alsaud</span> - 30 de miliarde de dolari. </p><p style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">8. Warren Buffett</span> - 28 de miliarde de dolari. Proprietar al Berkshire Hathaway, companie de reasigurare. </p><p style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">9. Paul Allen</span> - 25 de miliarde de dolari. Este co-fondatorul Microsoft si fondatorul Vulcan Ventures. </p><p style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">10. seicul Zayed Bin Sultan Al Nahyan</span>, cu o avere de 23 de miliarde de dolari. </p><p style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(192, 192, 192);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"> Bill Gates, fondatorul Microsoft, detine de 11 ani locul intai in topul celor mai bogati oameni din lume, top realizat de Forbes. Conform acestor date, in 2004 averea sa a scazut putin fata de anul precedent, respectiv 46,5 miliarde de dolari fata de 46,6 miliarde de dolari. Scaderea</span> <span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">consemnata de fondurile lui Gates este de 0,2 la suta</span>.</span> </p><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/Rqbyt6u78pI/AAAAAAAAAa8/k4S9wzJCHFc/s1600-h/111111111111.bmp"><br /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4779122380026106705-6285158708074749034?l=sylviuichim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Sylviu ICHIMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15573508752845835718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4779122380026106705.post-31019178088116451902007-07-18T22:10:00.001-07:002007-07-24T22:27:13.989-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"> <h1><span style="font-family: &quot;Engravers MT&quot;; color: rgb(0, 204, 255);">Masini Faine-De 5 stele<o:p></o:p></span></h1> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RqbeH6u78oI/AAAAAAAAAa0/eApV_Fmce0M/s1600-h/peugeot-4007_2007_1600x1200_wallpaper_01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; 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display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/Ro9KdpGcvjI/AAAAAAAAAF0/2STpA5s4NCQ/s400/concert-live-de-muzica-buna%5B1%5D.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5084364377434144306" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/Ro9KRZGcviI/AAAAAAAAAFs/nozS5_dssxY/s1600-h/dentist-si-oculist%5B1%5D.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/Ro9KRZGcviI/AAAAAAAAAFs/nozS5_dssxY/s400/dentist-si-oculist%5B1%5D.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5084364166980746786" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/Ro9KEJGcvhI/AAAAAAAAAFk/yssaMAgGtaM/s1600-h/elton-in-echipa-steaua%5B1%5D.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/Ro9KEJGcvhI/AAAAAAAAAFk/yssaMAgGtaM/s400/elton-in-echipa-steaua%5B1%5D.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5084363939347480082" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/Ro9JZJGcvgI/AAAAAAAAAFc/-cgF5nQ3Q_g/s1600-h/clip_image001.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/Ro9JZJGcvgI/AAAAAAAAAFc/-cgF5nQ3Q_g/s400/clip_image001.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5084363200613105154" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/Ro9I-ZGcvfI/AAAAAAAAAFU/S-KZ7jJK28M/s1600-h/clip_image001.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/Ro9I-ZGcvfI/AAAAAAAAAFU/S-KZ7jJK28M/s400/clip_image001.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5084362741051604466" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/Ro9ItZGcveI/AAAAAAAAAFM/6Tk70Tf-62c/s1600-h/clip_image001.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/Ro9ItZGcveI/AAAAAAAAAFM/6Tk70Tf-62c/s400/clip_image001.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5084362448993828322" border="0" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RoaQD5GcvPI/AAAAAAAAADU/t7saAiFQ6n8/s1600-h/caine-la-copac%5B1%5D.gif" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5081907626076060914" spid="_x0000_i1037" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RoaQD5GcvPI/AAAAAAAAADU/t7saAiFQ6n8/s1600-h/caine-la-copac%5B1%5D.gif" style="'width:283.5pt;height:223.5pt'" button="t"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Acasa\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image013.gif" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RoaQD5GcvPI/AAAAAAAAADU/t7saAiFQ6n8/s400/caine-la-copac%5B1%5D.gif"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--></span></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RoaQAZGcvOI/AAAAAAAAADM/vyZrDtwx5gw/s1600-h/bere-la-halba%5B1%5D.gif" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5081907565946518754" spid="_x0000_i1038" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RoaQAZGcvOI/AAAAAAAAADM/vyZrDtwx5gw/s1600-h/bere-la-halba%5B1%5D.gif" style="'width:210pt;height:165.75pt'" button="t"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Acasa\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image014.gif" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_FY9lqasUa_w/RoaQAZGcvOI/AAAAAAAAADM/vyZrDtwx5gw/s400/bere-la-halba%5B1%5D.gif"> </v:shape><![endif]--></span></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4779122380026106705-3904181769315576699?l=sylviuichim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Sylviu ICHIMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15573508752845835718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4779122380026106705.post-74988334272770315382007-06-28T02:42:00.000-07:002007-06-29T12:34:49.303-07:00<span style="font-family:courier new;"> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:180%;" >Bancuri <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">MISTOOO!!</span><br /></span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />1<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"></span></span></span><img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=26">Bancuri diverse</a></b><br />Recent s-a efectuat un sondaj pe plan mondial. Intrebarea a fost: "Va rugam sa ne spuneti opinia dumneavoastra in legatura cu lipsa de alimente din restul lumii." Sondajul a fost un esec total:<br />- In Africa nu stiau ce inseamna "alimente";<br />- In Europa de Vest nu stiau ce inseamna "lipsa";<br />- In Europa de Est nu stiau ce inseamna "opinie";<br />- In America de Sud nu stiau ce inseamna "va rugam";<br />- In S.U.A. nu stiau ce inseamna "restul lumii".<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"></span></span></span>2<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=66">Bancuri cu tigani</a></b><br />Un tigan isi conducea Mercedesul si deodata face pana de cauciuc. Se da jos din masina sa schimbe roata. Un alt tigan apare si il intreaba:<br />- Ce faci aici, manca-ti-as?<br />- Pai scot roata.<br />Atunci al doilea tigan sparge parbrizul si spune satisfacut:<br />- Gata, frate, eu iau casetofonul.<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span>3<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=30">Bancuri cu animale</a></b><br />Mistretul neprietenos se plimba cu bicicleta. Iepurasul alerga pe linga el:<br />- O sa cazi, o sa cazi!<br />Deodata, mistretul cade. Iepurasul:<br />- Ai vazut, ai vazut?<br />Din groapa se aude o voce ragusita:<br />- Parchez unde vreau eu...<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span>4<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=38">Bancuri cu homosexuali</a></b><br />Se spune ca toate femeile isi doresc un iubit tanar, atent, elegant, manierat .... din pacate toti cei atenti, manierati, eleganti au deja un iubit.<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span>5<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=30">Bancuri cu animale</a></b><br />Cel care, toata ziua<br />E activ ca o albina,<br />E puternic ca un taur,<br />Munceste precum un cal,<br />Si care seara se-ntoarce rupt de oboseala precum un caine,<br />Ar trebui sa consulte un veterinar, caci este foarte probabil sa fie un bou.<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"></span></span>6<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=87">Bancuri cu Ion si Gheorghe</a></b><br />Intr-o zi, Ion ii face o vizita prietenului sau Gheorghe. Ajungand la casa acestuia, vede o placa mare la poarta: "Caine rau! Intrati pe propria raspundere! Mai aveti timp sa va razganditi"!.<br />Ion intra in curte cu frica, dar nu apare nici un caine. La usa casei vede alta placa: "CAINE RAU! Daca tineti la viata voastra, intoarceti-va acum"!.<br />Speriat de-a binelea, deschide usor usa si paseste in hol, unde il intampina Gheorghe. Intr-un colt, un caine apatic.<br />- Servus, Gheo! Dar ce-i cu toate avertismentele astea, ca vad ca dulaul tau e foarte linistit? Nu ziceai ca-i rau?<br />- Ii foarte rau, dar se consuma in el...<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span>7 <img style="width: 22px; height: 24px;" src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=73">Bancuri cu politisti</a></b><br />Am parcat masina grabit si am dat o fuga sa cumpar tigari si bere de la magazinul din colt. Cand am iesit (dupa doar cateva minute!!!) deja era afara un politist care scria de zor o amenda. M-am dus la el si i-am spus: "Poate ma mai slabesti un pic", la care el a continuat sa scrie amenda fara sa se uite la mine. Atunci l-am facut "nazist". De data asta s-a oprit, s-a uitat la mine, si a inceput sa scrie o alta amenda pentru cauciucuri uzate. Asa ca eu l-am poreclit "curcan tampit", iar el a inceput sa scrie o a treia amenda pe langa cele doua deja agatate in parbriz. Chestia asta a cam durat vreo 20 de minute. Cu cat il jigneam mai tare, cu atat se invartosa la scris amenzi. Pana am obosit eu si am hotarat sa cedez. Asa ca am plecat pe jos, am dat coltul si m-am urcat in masina mea.<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span>8<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=40">Bancuri despre femei</a></b><br />Dupa ce mesterul Manole si-a zidit nevasta s-a culcat. A doua zi vazand ca zidirea e in picioare exclama fericit :<br />- Vezi , mereu am spus ca e nevoie de o femeie in casa!<br /><br /><br />9<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=74">Bancuri cu blonde</a></b><br />Doua blonde calatoresc cu trenul.<br />In compartiment calatoreste cu ele un barbat mai in varsta, cu barba.<br />Sopteste una la alta:<br />- Uita-te! Asta-i Mircea cel Batran...<br />- Esti proasta. El e mort de vreo 6-700 de ani.<br />In acel moment intra un alt barbat in compartiment, si-l saluta pe barbos:<br />- Ciao, Mircea, ce faci, batrine! nu te-am mai vazut de sute de ani....<br />Prima blonda:<br />- Na, cine-i proasta?<br /><br /><br />10<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=26">Bancuri diverse</a></b><br />Un tanar ziarist ii ia un interviu unui calau:<br />- Domnule nu va este greu ... cu meseria aceasta ?<br />- Ce vreti, toata lumea trebuie sa traiasca.<br /><br /><br />11<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=26">Bancuri diverse</a></b><br />Un tip la tutungerie cere un pachet de tigari, si primeste unul pe care scrie: "Tutunul cauzeaza impotenta". Cand vede textul, ii spune vanzatorului:<br />- Dati-mi-l mai bine pe cel cu cancer.<br /><br /><br />12<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=31">Bancuri cu ardeleni</a></b><br />Ardeleanul merge la doctor si ii spune ca zilnic se caca pe el si are nevoie de niste medicamente. Doctorul, distrat, ii prescrie niste tranchilizante.<br />Se intoarce ardeleanul peste o saptamana. Doctorul:<br />- Ce s-a intamplat, tataie? E mai bine acu'?<br />- Vai, domnu' doctor, tot ma cac pe mine, dar acu' nu ma mai intereseaza...<br /><br /><br />13<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=74">Bancuri cu blonde</a></b><br />- Care este diferenta dintre o blonda si o oglinda?<br />- O blonda se abureste mai repede.<br /><br /><br />14<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=97">Bancuri cu barbati si femei</a></b><br />Un barbat se intoarce seara tarziu de la o bauta cu pretenii. Intra in casa nervos, bate cu pumnu' in masa si striga la nevasta-sa:<br />- Femeie, cine e sefu' in casa asta?<br />Femeia, scurt, ii scapa un dos de palma peste gura. Barbatul resemnat:<br />- Da' ce? Nici macar sa intreb n-am voie?<br /><br /><br />15<img style="width: 22px; height: 24px;" src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=39">Bancuri despre barbati</a></b><br />Cand un tanar proaspat insurat are o figura fericita se stie de ce.<br />Cand un barbat insurat de 10 ani are o figura fericita, te intrebi de ce.<br /><br /><br />16<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=31">Bancuri cu ardeleni</a></b><br />Un ardelean intra intr-un restaurant.<br />- Nu va suparati, serviti mormoloci?<br />- Servim pe oricine! Luati loc!<br /><br /><br />17<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=91">Bancuri cu diferente</a></b><br />- Care este diferenta dintre un psihopat si un nevropat?<br />- Psihopatul crede ca 1+1=3; nevropatul STIE ca 1+1=3,dar IL ENERVEAZA!<br /><br /><br />18<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=26">Bancuri diverse</a></b><br />Intr-o frizerie. Frizerul, taindu-l de doua ori pe client, incearca sa discute cu el:<br />- Ati mai fost la noi inainte?<br />- Nu, mana mi-am pierdut-o in razboi.<br /><br /><br />19<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=73">Bancuri cu politisti</a></b><br />Un tip gonea pe autostrada cu mult peste viteza legala. Vazand girofarul unei masini de politie in oglinda, se gandeste: "Am o masina buna si pot sa dispar". Asa ca accelereaza si urmarirea incepe.<br />Cand acul kilometrajului ajunge la capatul cursei, vazind ca totusi nu poate sa scape de politist, barbatul se gandeste ca ar fi mai bine sa renunte si trage pe dreapta.<br />Politistul se apropie de masina si spune:<br />- Asculta, baiete. Am avut o zi groaznica si vreau sa ajung acasa. Inventeaza o scuza buna ca sa te las sa pleci.<br />Tipul se gandeste putin si raspunde:<br />- Acum trei saptamani, sotia mea a plecat cu un politist. Cand te-am vazut in spatele masinii, am crezut ca vrei sa mi-o aduci inapoi!<br /><br /><br />20<img style="width: 22px; height: 24px;" src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Din categoria <b><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/categorie_detalii.php?id_categ=58">Bancuri cu Radio Erevan</a></b><br />Intrebare la Radio Erevan:<br />- Ce e de preferat sa ai? Alzheimer sau Parkinson?<br />- Raspuns: Parkinson...mai bine versi juma' de pahar decat sa uiti unde-ai pus sticla...<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 21<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Tatal intra in camera fiicei sale si gaseste o scriosoare pe pat. Avand deja ganduri negre, desface totusi scrisoare si citeste:<br /><br />Dragi parinti,<br />Cu parere de rau va anunt ca eu am fugit cu noul meu prieten. Am aflat ce inseamna adevarata dragoste si el este un dragut cand gonim goi cu motorul cu toate piercing-urile, cicatricele, tatuajele care ii acopera tot corpul! Dar nu e numai asta. Sunt insarcinata si Ahmed zice ca vom trai fericiti in rulota lui din padure. Vrea sa avem multi copii, ceea ce stiti ca imi doresc si eu.<br />Am invatat ca marijuana nu face rau nimanui asa ca o crestem pe langa casa pentru el si prietenii lui care ne aduc toata cocaina pe care ne-o dorim. Intre timp ne rugam sa se gaseasca leacul pentru SIDA, in asa fel incat sa se faca si Ahmed bine. Sa stiti ca merita! Nu va faceti griji in ceea ce priveste banii. Ahmed a aranjat ca eu sa joc intr-un film pe care il fac prietenii lui Leroy si Jamal in pivnita. Deocamdata castig 50 $ pe scena, dar pot sa iau inca 50$ bonus daca sunt cu 3 barbati si un bonus de 100 $ daca se foloseste un cal. Ahmed a zis ceva si despre niste caini, asa ca am mai multe posibilitati. Mama, sa nu-ti faci griji pentru mine, de acum am 15 ani si stiu sa am grija de mine. Dupa cum vezi eu si Ahmed ne-am gandit la toate! Intr-o zi o sa trecem in vizita pe la voi sa va cunoasteti nepoteii. Ahmed chiar se gandea sa-si puna un atas la motor ca sa putem veni cu toti o data!<br />Va pup pe amnadoi<br />Fiica voastra, Maria<br />....................<br />PS. Tata, am glumit......... sunt la vecini, ma uit la TV.<br />Voiam doar sa iti arat ca sunt si lucruri mai rele in viata decat SA PIARDA ROMANIA IN MINUTUL 90 DIN NOU!!!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">22<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Lectie de gramatica la Tirgu Mures. Profesoara le explica elevilor despre gradele de comparatie ale adjectivelor. Dupa ce termina, vrea sa vada ce au inteles copiii si le cere sa dea exemple:<br />- Ionel, spune profesoara, da un exemplu de adjectiv la cele trei grade de comparatie.<br />Se ridica Ionel si spune: frumos, mai frumos, cel mai frumos.<br />- Bravo Ionel, spune profesoara, ai inteles perfect. Ai nota 10! Ia sa vedem acum daca Anisoara a inteles cum e cu gradele de comparatie. Seridica Anisoara si spune: inalt, mai inalt, cel mai inalt.<br />- Bravo Anisoara, ai si tu un 10. Ia s-o vedem acum si pe Ildiko.<br />Se ridica Ildiko si incepe: adanc, mai adanc, ioi!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="color: rgb(81, 81, 81);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">23</span><img style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);" src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> O fetita o intreaba pe mama sa:</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Mama, de ce tata e asa de chel?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Deoarece are multa minte.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Dar de ce tu ai asa de mult par pe cap?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Mananca si taci!</span><br /><br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 24<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Un copil de pe strada o cheama pe maica-sa:<br />- Ma-a-ma-a-a-a!!!<br />Mai tare:<br />- Ma-a-ma-a-a-a!!!<br />Apoi si mai tare, scotand tot cartierul la geamuri:<br />- Ma-a-ma-a-a-a!!!<br />La o fereastra de la etajul 7 apare o doamna:<br />- Ce s-a intamplat?<br />- Cheama-l pe tata!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 25<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Intr-o zi o baga unul pe o tipa in dormitor, o dezbraca si se pregateste sa se urce pe ea. Dar mai intai o intreaba:<br />-Auzi duduie, dar tu cati ani ai<br />-13<br />-Aoleuuu!! strange-ti repede hainele si fugi!<br />Se uita asta urat la el:<br />-Domne, nu stiam ca esti asa de superstitios!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 26<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Alinuta se trezeste noaptea auzind batai in geam. Deschide geamul si vede o cioara mare, neagra si urita batind din aripi si croncanind: "Te maninc...te maninc....te maninc!!!"<br />Alinuta fuge speriata la ma-sa si o scoala din somn:<br />- Mami, mami, repede ca ma maninca pasarica!!!<br />- Scarpina-te!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 27<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Alinuta observa la strand diferenta dintre ea si un baietel.<br />Se duce intr-un suflet la mama ei si-o intreaba:<br />- Mami mami... De ce nu am si eu asa ceva intre picioare?<br />- Rabdare, copila mea, rabdare...<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">28<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Alinuta: Mama! Tata! Veniti repede ca s-a spanzurat frati-miu in garaj!<br />Vin parintii alarmati dar nu vad nimic...<br />- Ce vrei tu proasto, nu e nimic aici!<br />Alinuta: Pacaleala de 1 Aprilie, s-a spanzurat in pod!<br /><br /></span> <!-- inchidere coloana 2 tabel --> <!-- deschidere coloana 3 tabel --><br /><div style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);" align="center"><br /></div><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><div align="justify"> 29<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Alinuta se trezeste noaptea auzind batai in geam. Deschide geamul si vede o cioara mare, neagra si urita batind din aripi si croncanind: "Te maninc...te maninc....te maninc!!!"<br />Alinuta fuge speriata la ma-sa si o scoala din somn:<br />- Mami, mami, repede ca ma maninca pasarica!!!<br />- Scarpina-te!<br /><br /><br /></div></span><div style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);" align="justify"> 30<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Intr-o seara, toti fratii Alinutei radeau, doar Alinuta plangea.<br />- De ce plangi Alinuta? intreaba tatal.<br />- Fratii mei au aruncat-o pe mama de la balcon! spuse Alinuta printre suspine.<br />- Si tu de ce plangi?<br />- Nu am vazut faza!...<br /><br /><br /></div><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><div align="justify"> 31<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Alinuta observa la strand diferenta dintre ea si un baietel.<br />Se duce intr-un suflet la mama ei si-o intreaba:<br />- Mami mami... De ce nu am si eu asa ceva intre picioare?<br />- Rabdare, copila mea, rabdare...<br /><a href="http://www.bancuri.biz/banc_nota1.php?id_banc=1217"></a><br /><br /></div></span><span style="color: rgb(81, 81, 81);"><div align="justify"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">32</span><img style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);" src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> Vine Alinuta acasa si-i gaseste pe toti plangand.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Ce ati patit mai?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - A murit bunicu...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Cum asa?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Pai, sa vezi... l-am adus sa vada si el casa. Era pe balcon si s-a daramat cu el.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Si a murit bunicu!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Nu... a cazut, da' s-a prins de tocu' de la geam... a alunecat si iar a cazut...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Si-a murit bunicu!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - N-a murit mai... a picat in copacu' din curte...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Si a murit bunicu!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Nu...a fost catapultat pe acoperis, de pe care a alunecat si a tras toata tigla dupa el...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Si a murit bunicu!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Nu... ca s-a prins de burlan... da' s-a desprins cu el cu tot... si a ajuns la etaju' 2... da s-a rupt cu el si a picat prin tavan la etaju' 1...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Si a murit bunicu!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Nu, mai... s-a rostogolit pe scari pana la parter...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - Si a murit...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> - N-a murit mai... da' l-am impuscat noi ca ne darama casa...</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 33<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Alinuta: Mama! Tata! Veniti repede ca s-a spanzurat frati-miu in garaj!<br />Vin parintii alarmati dar nu vad nimic...<br />- Ce vrei tu proasto, nu e nimic aici!<br />Alinuta: Pacaleala de 1 Aprilie, s-a spanzurat in pod!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 34<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> - Alinuta , fii draguta si fa-i o baie fratelui tau.<br />Dupa vreo juma' de ora tatal intra in baie ... Alinuta il tinea de urechi pe fratiorul sau si il tragea prin apa.<br />- Alinuta, mai pune mana si mai freaca-l si tu.<br />- Ce-ai innebunit, vrei sa ma oparesc?<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">35<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Alinuta soseste acasa de la discoteca in compania unui "gentilom". La intrare se opresc, iar el, intinzandu-si mana peste umarul ei, se sprijina de poarta si incepe s-o "convinga": o privire dulce, o mangaiere, un sarut ... aluzii la eventualitatea urcarii in camera ei... Alinuta insa nu se lasa. Nu se da batut nici el. Stau acolo 10 minute, 20, jumate de ora, trei sferturi, fara rezultat. Cam dupa o ora apare sora Alinutei: - Auzi, ma! Mama iti transmite, ca daca sora mea nu se lasa, iti suge ea scula, numai sa iei cotul de pe blestemata aia de sonerie...<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">36<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Un tip isi revine dintr-o coma profunda de 7 luni.<br />In tot acest timp, sotia lui a stat zilnic langa patul lui. La cateva zile dupa ce si-a revenit, isi cheama sotia:<br />- Draga mea, ai fost alaturi de mine in toate nenorocirile prin care am trecut: cand am fost concediat, m-ai sprijinit enorm; cand afacerea mea a dat faliment, ai fost langa mine; cand am fost impuscat, ai stat alaturi de mine; cand ne-am pierdut casa, ai fost tot langa mine; cand sanatatea mea s-a subrezit, m-ai sprijinit permanent. Stii ceva?<br />- Ce sa stiu, dragul meu? intreaba ea zambitoare.<br />- Cred ca imi porti ghinion!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">37<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> - Imi pare rau, vecine, de nenorocirea care ti s-a intamplat: din cauza focului, ti-a murit si nevasta, si vaca.<br />- Da, sunt amarat. Toti imi spun: lasa, iti gasesti tu alta femeie, ia-o pe vaduva cutare, uite, cunosc eu pe una tare gospodina. Unul n-ar veni sa-mi zica: na, ma, si tie alta vaca...<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> <img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Un sot, satul de sotia sa care-l tot intreba cum arata, ii cumpara o oglinda mare, ca sa se vada in ea din cap pana in picioare.<br />Asta a mers un timp, dar acum ii punea aceleasi intebari, stand in fata oglinzii. O data, proaspat iesita de la dus, se plangea ca are sanii prea mici.<br />Sotul, care de obicei tacea, ii spune :<br />- Daca vrei sa-ti creasca sanii, ia o bucata de hartie igienica si freac-o intre ei cateva secunde in fiecare zi.<br />Femeia se repede, ia o bucta de hartie si se apuca sa o frece intre sani:<br />- In cat timp o sa-mi creasca?<br />- Va dura cativa ani!.<br />Sotia se opreste:<br />- De unde stii tu ca daca frec o bucata de hartie igienica intre sani, acestia imi vor creste in cativa ani?<br />- Cu fundul a mers, nu-i asa?<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">38<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Doi soti se opresc in statia de taxiuri. Sotia il intreaba pe soferul de taxi:<br />- Pana in centru, la Universitate, cat m-ar costa?<br />- 100.000.<br />- Si daca il luam si pe sotul meu cu noi, atunci cat m-ar costa?<br />- Tot atat.<br />La care femeia, uitandu-se la sotul sau cu o umbra de dispret:<br />- Vezi, ti-am spus mereu ca nu valorezi nimic!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">39<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Un tip vorbeste cu prietenul lui:<br />- M-am gandit sa-mi omor nevasta... dar incerc sa gasesc solutia crimei perfecte... ma tot gandesc si nu-mi vine nici o idee...<br />Amicul, mai hatru din fire, ii zice:<br />- Simplu, fa sex cu ea tot timpul, dar tot timpul, si o s-o obosesti atat de tare ca o sa moara. Crima perfecta!<br />Se intalnesc peste 6 luni. Nevasta era frumoasa, infloritoare, iar sotul abia se mai tara.<br />- Ce faci? il intreaba prietenul.<br />- Hmm, asa si asa, dar uita-te la ea, proasta, habar n-are ca-i pe moarte!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 40<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Care-i diferenta dintre femeile cu varsta de 8, 18, 28, 38, 48 si 58 de ani.<br /><br />8 - O duci in pat si apoi ii spui o poveste.<br />18 - Ii spui o poveste si apoi o duci in pat.<br />28 - Nu-i nevoie sa-i spui o poveste ca sa o duci in pat.<br />38 - Ea iti spune o poveste si te duce in pat.<br />48 - Tu ii spui o poveste ca sa eviti sa te duci in pat.<br />58 - Stai in pat toata ziua ca sa nu-i asculti povestea.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 41<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Un cuplu apare la un curs de biologie si pentru ca erau certati, femeia se aseaza in primul rand, iar barbatul in ultimul rand. La un moment dat, profesorul zice:<br />- Un taur sanatos trebuie sa aiba pana la 12 cuplari pe zi...<br />Femeia din primul rand:<br />- Ma scuzati, domnule profesor, cate?<br />- Pana la 12.<br />- Repetati, va rog, pentru ultimul rand!<br />Barbatul din ultimul rand:<br />- Spuneti-mi, profesore, este vorba de cuplarile cu o singura vaca sau cu 12?<br />- Desigur, cu 12.<br />- Multumesc, repetati, va rog si pentru primul rand...<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">42<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Doi tipi de la Ministerul Agriculturii, vin in control intr-o comuna de munte. Dupa sedinta si cheful de rigoare ce urmeaza, merg la o plimbare pe dealuri, impreuna cu primarul. Pe un deal, un taran cosea iarba. Unul dintre ei sta, il studiaza si spune:<br />- Uite la taranul asta, cati timpi morti are. Face un drum cu coasa in gol! Ce-ar fi daca i-am face noi o coasa cu tais si pe dreapta si pe stanga?<br />Dupa doua saptamani vin la tara cu o coasa cu doua taisuri, unul pe dreapta si unul pe stanga.<br />- Dar totusi, (zise unul dintre ei) , mai are timpi morti ! Uite cata iarba ramane in urma lui! Daca i-am face si o grebla adaptata cu o curea, cand face miscarile alea din fund, ar putea aduna toata iarba!<br />Dupa doua saptamani, vin tipii cu grebla respectiva insa taranul, cum ii vede o si ia la sanatoasa prin padure! A doua zi primarul ii spune:<br />- De ce-ai fugit omule asa ca din pusca? Oamenii erau foarte bine intentionati!<br />- Fugi domnule de-aci! Astia voiau sa-mi atarne si-un felinar de coaie ca sa cosesc si noaptea!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">43<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Pe un drum de tara un politist pe motoreta urmareste o caruta si intreaba taranul care statea pe capra:<br />- Domnule nu ti-ai dat seama ca nevasta-ta a cazut din caruta la cativa kilometri de aici?!<br />La care taranul:<br />- Doamne ajuta! Am crezut ca am depasit viteza legala!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 44<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Cica era primavara intr-un sat din Ardeal. Doi tarani ies pe camp cu sapele... La un moment dat vin niste oameni, oficiali, cu niste aparate sofisticate, si incep sa verifice temperatura solului, ca sa stie cand sa planteze porumbul...<br />Cei doi tarani, nedumeriti de ce se intampla, se duc si-i intreaba ce fac. La care "oficialii" le spun ca masoara temperatura solului. La care unu' dintre tarani raspunde:<br />- Pai bine ma... acum 150 de ani, stra-stra-bunicul meu masura temperatura cu fundul. Isi dadea jos izmenele, si punea cu curul pe pamant, si asa stia daca sa planteze porumbul sau nu... Vedeti voi?! ce facea el acum 150 de ani cu curul, voi faceti acum cu capul..."<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 45<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Un cioban intra intr-un compartiment de tren in care se afla o tanara domnisoara de la oras. Tanara este cam nemultumita de companie, dar neavand ce sa faca, continua sa citeasca o revista. Ciobanul scoate o sticla de palinca din desaga, trage o dusca zdravana, dupa care intinde sticla tinerei:<br />- Domnisoara, doriti?<br />- Nu, multumesc, raspunde intepat domnisoara si se trage mai la marginea banchetei.<br />Ciobanul scoate din desaga o bucata de paine, una de cas, o ceapa, si incepe sa manance cu zgomot. Dupa doua imbucaturi, intreaba pe domnisoara:<br />- Domnisoara, doriti?<br />- Nu, multumesc, raspunde aceasta, continuandu-si lectura.<br />Terminand de mancat, ciobanul isi rasuceste o tigara din hartie de ziar si, dupa ce trage vreo doua fumuri, intreaba pe domnisoara:<br />- Domnisoara, doriti?<br />- Nu, multumesc, raspunde aceasta stramband din nas.<br />- Apai, domnisoara, dupa cum fu discutia, eu socot ca de fu*ut nici nu mai are rost sa va intreb.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 46<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Capitanul de pe Titanic ii strange pe pasageri si le spune:<br />- Am doua vesti pentru dumneavoastra: una rea si una buna. Pe care o vreti prima?<br />- Pe cea rea.<br />- In doua ore, vaporul se va rupe in doua si se va scufunda.<br />- Si cea buna?<br />- Vom lua 11 Oscar-uri.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">47<img style="width: 22px; height: 24px;" src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Prin oceanul Pacific trecea un vapor. Unul dintre pasageri ii arata capitanului ca pe o insulita e un om zdrentaros, care sare si da din maini. Il intreaba pe capitan:<br />- Cine e tipul?<br />- Nu stiu, dar de cate ori trecem pe aici se bucura nespus.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">48<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Accident grav de circulatie. Soferii - unul ranit grav, unul ranit usor. La sosirea ambulantei, medicul il vede pe soferul ranit usor ca il f***a in c*r pe soferul ranit grav. La care intreaba:<br />- Ce faci dom'le, esti nebun?<br />- Nu... doar ii acord primul ajutor!<br />- Pai primul ajutor se acorda prin "gura la gura"...<br />- Asa am inceput si noi, dar ne-am infierbantat!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">49<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Probleme de pilotaj. Sa nu se mai spuna ca inginerii n-au simtul umorului.<br />Mai jos sunt niste probleme notate de piloti de la Qantas (compania aeriana australiana) si solutiile inginerilor de la service.<br />(P=Problema semnalata de pilot, S=raspunsul inginerilor.)<br /><br />P: Cauciucul principal de pe stanga aproape ca trebuie schimbat.<br />S: Aproape schimbat cauciucul principal de pe stanga.<br /><br />P: Zborul ok, doar "aterizarea automata" cam dura.<br />S: "Aterizarea automata" nu este instalata pe acest avion.<br /><br />P: Joaca ceva la bord.<br />S: Strans ceva la bord.<br /><br />P: Gaze moarte pe parbriz.<br />S: Comandat gaze vii.<br /><br />P: Semn de o scurgere la echipament aterizare dreapta.<br />S: Semn inlaturat.<br /><br />P: Franele de frecare blocheaza valvele de viteza.<br />S: Asta le este scopul.<br /><br />P: Sistemul IFF inoperabil.<br />S: Sistemul IFF intotdeauna inoperabil daca este OFF.<br /><br />P: Suspectez crapatura in parbriz.<br />S: Suspectez ca ai dreptate.<br /><br />P: Motor 3 lipsa.<br />S: Gasit motor 3 pe aripa dreapta dupa ce l-am cautat putin.<br /><br />P: Avionul merge caraghios.<br />S: Avertizat avionul sa stea drept, sa zboare cum trebuie, si sa ia lucrurile in serios.<br /><br />P: "Radarul tinta" bazaie.<br />S: Reprogramat "radarul tinta" sa cante cum trebuie.<br /><br />P: Soricel la bord.<br />S: Instalat pisica.<br /><br />P: Zgomot de sub bord. Suna ca un pitic care bate ceva cu ciocanul.<br />S: Confiscat ciocanul de la pitic.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 50<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> La o firma, se prezinta doi canibali pentru angajare. La inceput, nimeni nu vrea sa ii angajeze, dar in final ii angajeaza cu o conditie: sa se comporte bine si sa nu consume oameni. La inceput, totul merge bine, dar dupa cateva luni se observa ca a disparut contabila. Se fac cercetari si ii iau la intrebari pe canibali.<br />Acestia nu vor sa recunoasca, dar dupa un timp unul dintre ei recunoaste ca a mancat contabila. Normal, este dat afara. Al doilea canibal il conduce pana la poarta si ii zice:<br />- Ce te-a apucat sa mananci contabila? Eu de cateva saptamni halesc ingineri si nimeni nu le-a simtit lipsa.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 51<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Cand eram mai tanar, uram sa ma duc la nunti.Matusi de-ale mele ma piscau de obraz si ziceau razand: ''tu urmezi'' Au terminat cu porcaria asta cand am inceput la inmormantari sa fac si eu acelasi lucru cu ele!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 52<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> - Cum te numesti? Intreaba medicul!<br />- Popopa Mamamarin.<br />- Esti balbait?<br />- Nu, tata era balbait, iar ala care mi-a scris certificatul era un cretin.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">53<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Un tigan si un roman isi fac case una langa alta. Isi cumpara exact aceleasi materiale, mobila, etc si au facut casele identice. Peste un timp stau ei de vorba. romanul:<br />- Eu daca vand casa asta probabil o sa primesc 5 milioane de euro pe ea.<br />Tiganul:<br />- A pai daca e asa, eu primesc 7 milioane de euro pe ea.<br />- Pai cum sa primesti tu 7 milioane pe ea daca a mea este identica si valoreaza 5 milioane?<br />- Pai da, dar eu nu am vecini tigani!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">54<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Merge tiganul la preot sa se spovedeasca si vede cum acesta-si aseaza ceasul jos, langa el. Tiganul ingenuncheaza si ia ceasul.<br />- Ce-ai pacatuit? il intreaba preotul.<br />- Fur, parinte...<br />- Spune ca ai furat nu ca furi!<br />Tiganul baga ceasul in buzunar.<br />- Am furat, parinte.<br />- Ce-ai furat fiule?<br />- Un ceas...<br />- Si l-ai dat inapoi proprietarului?<br />- Vi-l dau dumneavoastra parinte!<br />- Ei, nu mi-l da mie, da-l proprietarului!<br />- Am incercat, dar nu l-a vrut inapoi.<br />- Pai, in cazul asta pastreaza-l, fiule...<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">55<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Merge tiganul la preot sa se spovedeasca si vede cum acesta-si aseaza ceasul jos, langa el. Tiganul ingenuncheaza si ia ceasul.<br />- Ce-ai pacatuit? il intreaba preotul.<br />- Fur, parinte...<br />- Spune ca ai furat nu ca furi!<br />Tiganul baga ceasul in buzunar.<br />- Am furat, parinte.<br />- Ce-ai furat fiule?<br />- Un ceas...<br />- Si l-ai dat inapoi proprietarului?<br />- Vi-l dau dumneavoastra parinte!<br />- Ei, nu mi-l da mie, da-l proprietarului!<br />- Am incercat, dar nu l-a vrut inapoi.<br />- Pai, in cazul asta pastreaza-l, fiule...<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 56<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Scufita rosie:<br />- Bunico, de ce ai ochii asa mari?<br />- Bunico, de ce ai urechile asa mari?<br />- Bunico, de ce ai dintii asa mari?<br />Bunica:<br />- Hai gata, ca ma enervezi. Pune lupa aia pe masa si cara-te la ma-ta!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 57<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> La usa Scufitei Rosii apare lupul vampir: cioc! cioc!<br />Scufita raspunde: Da, ce doresti?<br />Lupul: Haaaa, Scufita Rosie, am venit sa-ti sug sangele!!!!<br />Scufita Rosie: Offfff, ti-am mai zis.... vino si tu pe 16!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 58<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Clasa de maghiari la ora de limba romana.<br />- Gyury, spune, te rog, o propozitie!<br />- Duminica me duc la pedure.<br />- Gyury draga, da nu-i bine.<br />- Atunci nu me duc.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 59<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Un tip intra intr-un bar tinanand in mana un cacat imens si zice:<br />- Fiti atenti in ce era sa calc!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">60<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Un tip se duce intr-un restaurant si o intreaba pe ospatarita:<br />- Ce imi recomandati astazi?<br />- Chilli, spune ea, dar domnul de linga dv. a luat ultima portie.<br />- Bine, atunci voi bea doar o cafea.<br />In timp ce astepta cafeaua, il vede pe cel de linga el ca terminase de mincat, dar in fata lui mai era o farfurie neatinsa de chilli. Astfel ca il intreaba:<br />- Scuze, mai mincati portia aia?<br />- Nu, va rog, serviti-va!<br />Astfel, tipul nostru se apuca bucuros sa infulece. Cind ajunge pe la jumatatea farfuriei, gaseste un soarece mort in mijlocul mincarii. La vederea lui, i se face greata si vomita tot chilliul inapoi in farfurie. Tipul de linga el zice:<br />- Da, tot numai pina acolo am ajuns si eu!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">61<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Un azil de batrani inchiriaza un autocar pentru o excursie. La putin timp de la plecare, soferul simte o bataie usoara pe umar si o bunicuta il intreaba daca vrea niste alune. Soferul accepta bucuros pumnul de alune pe care i-l ofera batrana. Dupa vreo 15 minute, batrana vine din nou cu un pumn de alune.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Povestea se repeta inca de vreo cateva ori, dupa care soferul, nedumerit, o intreaba cand apare iar langa scaunul lui:</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Mamaie, da' de ce nu mancati alunele, ca sunt scumpe, si aveti pensii mici...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Eee, da crezi ca mai avem dinti sa mancam noi alune?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Pai bine, si atunci de ce mai dati banii pe ele daca nu le puteti manca?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Eee, de fapt nici nu vrem alune, sugem doar ciocolata din jurul lor...</span><br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">62<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Un tip intra intr-o farmacie. Multa lume, inghesuiala.<br />- Nu va suparati, va rog sa ma lasati sa intru in fata ca am pe cineva la pat.<br />Oamenii cumsecade ii fac loc si ajunge la ghiseu. Tipul se apleaca la ghiseu si spune:<br />- 3 prezervative va rog.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 63<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> O doamna intra la farmacie si ii cere farmacistului arsenic. Farmacistul intreaba:<br />- Doamna, la ce va trebuie arsenicul?<br />- Pentru ca sa-l omor pe sotul meu!<br />- Doamna, nu pot sa va vind arsenic pentru acest motiv, imi pare rau, spune farmacistul.<br />Atunci doamna scotoceste in poseta si scoate o fotografie cu sotul ei care facea dragoste cu sotia farmacistului. Acesta se uita la fotografie si spune:<br />- Ah, scuzati-ma, n-am stiut ca aveti reteta.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">64<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Un tip furios intra intr-o farmacie si cere condica de reclamatii. Farmacistul, surprins, speriat, il intreaba:<br />- Care-i problema, care-i necazul? Orice nemultumire aveti o sa o rezolvam fara a scrie in condica, va rog frumos!<br />- Bine, dar ce vreti sa scrieti?<br />- Stiti ce vreau sa scriu in ea? Vreau sa scriu ca prezervativele voaste sint de proasta calitate, sint slabe si se rup.<br />La care un mos, care-si cumpara niste sirop de tuse, zice:<br />- Da, da, aveti dreptate. Si scrieti ca se si-ndoaie!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">65<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Citit de sus in jos, e discursul pentru alegatori<br />citit de jos in sus, este ceea ce gindesc ei cu adevarat<br /><br />in partidul nostru politic, ne respectam promisiunile<br />doar imbecilii pot crede ca<br />noi nu vom lupta impotriva coruptiei<br />pentru ca, un lucru e sigur pentru noi:<br />cinstea si transparenta sint fundamentale pentru atingerea idealurilor noastre<br />vom demonstra ca e o mare prostie sa crezi ca<br />mafia va contina sa faca parte din guvern ca in trecut<br />va asiguram, fara umbra de indoiala, ca<br />dreptatea sociala va fi scopul principal al mandatului nostru<br />cu toate acestea, exista inca oameni prosti care isi imagineaza ca<br />guvernarea sa fie posibila in continuare<br />cu aceleasi vechi smecherii politice<br />cind ne asumam puterea, facem totul pentru ca<br />sa se termine cu situatiile privilegiate si cu traficul de influenta<br />nu suportam in nici un fel ideea ca<br />poporul va flaminzi<br />ne vom indeplini misiunea chiar daca<br />rezervele economice vor fi complet epuizate<br />vom exersa puterea pana ce<br />veti intelege ca incepand de acum<br />noi sintem partidul xxxxxxxxxxx, noua politica.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">66<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Se trezeste Basescu intr-o dimineata si iese pe balcon.Observa ca afara a nins in acea noapte cam 5 cm si iese pe balcon sa admire peisajul,cand vede scris pe zapada sub balcon cu urina "maine ai sa mori. Se anunta toate organele abilitate - SIE,DIE,SPP,SRI etc. - care incep sa analizeze cazul. Peste o ora apar si rezultatele.<br />- Sefu, am facut toate cercetarile si avem doua vesti: una buna si una proasta.<br />- Incepe cu cea proasta.<br />- La analiza urinei a rezultat ca aceasta apartine lui Boc.<br />- Nu se poate! Nu puteam primi o veste asa de proasta. Era ultima persoana la care ma puteam gandi. Si vestea buna?<br />- La testul grafologic a iesit ca este scrisul lui Tariceanu.<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">67<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Iarna grea ...brrrr! Cica era un pescar fanatic. Si de fanatic ce era se duce el intr-o zi la pescuit desi era mult sub zero. Scoate tarnacopu' sa dea o copca, dupa care-si arunca sculele in apa. Sta el ce sta si odata aude o voce din spate:<br />- Aici nu este peste!<br />Gagiu' cand aude isi scoate unditele din apa si se muta mai incolo...tot nu misca. Dupa o vreme, aude iarasi vocea:<br />- Aici nu se afla peste!<br />Gagiu' suparat se muta din nou, sparge gheata, dupa care-si arunca sculele in apa. Din nou, in spatele lui, vocea:<br />- Aici nu vei gasi peste!<br />Enervat, pescaru' se-ntoarce si graieste:<br />- Da'cine pi*a ma-tii esti tu, ba, de-mi tot sperii norocul?<br />- Eu sunt directorul patinoarului!<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> 68<img style="width: 23px; height: 24px;" src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Directorul unui internat ii previne pe baieti:<br />- Daca da dracu' si-l prind pe unul din voi in dormitorul fetelor, il amendez cu 10 Euro; a doua oara il ard cu 20 de Euro si a treia oara cu 40 Euro!<br />Din spate, o voce timida:<br />- Dom' director, da' un abonament cat costa?<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">69</span><img style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);" src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> Injuraturi delicate</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- O zi fara dvs. e ca o luna de concediu.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Daca v-am jignit, am savurat-o.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Dvs. reusiti sa faceti pe cineva sa aprecieze linistea.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Fiecare trebuie sa existe, dar de ce tocmai dvs.?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- De ce nu mergem noi doi undeva unde poate fiecare sa fie de unul singur?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Am avut o seara foarte placuta. N-a fost seara asta, dar nu ma vait.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- S-a sinucis candva cineva din familia dvs.? Nu? Cum ar fi?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Bancul pe care vi-l voi povesti acuma e asa de bun ca va pica tatele... oh, da' vad ca il cunoasteti deja...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Nu v-au rugat niciodata parintii sa fugiti de-acasa?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">-Eu nu uit niciodata un chip, dar in cazul dvs. o sa fac o exceptie...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Oare este astazi o zi deosebita sau sunteti de obicei asa de tampit?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Data viitoare cand ai de gand sa-ti arunci toalele, nu te dezbraca.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Nu, eu nu aud rau... va ignor numai.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Va rog sa nu va miscati! As vrea sa va uit asa cum sunteti...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Sunteti intr-adevar un argument convingator pentru paturi separate.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Tu ai arata foarte bine in ceva lung, curgator... Amazon, Nil, Dunare...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">- Sunteti la fel de binevenit ca si telefonul care suna in timpul sexului.</span><br /><br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">70<img src="http://www.bancuri.biz/img/bulina1.gif" /> Doi electricieni pe un stalp de inalta tensiune. Unul din ei vede o batranica trecand pe acolo si i se adreseaza:<br />- Ne dati, va rog frumos, sarma aia rosie?<br />Batranica ridica sirma si le-o da, la care electricianul ii spune celuilalt:<br />- Vezi, ti-am zis eu ca aia rosie e nulul!?</span><br /></div></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4779122380026106705-7498833427277031538?l=sylviuichim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Sylviu ICHIMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15573508752845835718noreply@blogger.com0